This will be my blog of love. I don't want to write about this because of the emotions it stirs...I know my friend Gil feels like her pain has no boundries and, even though December 13 is a day of celebration, it causes rememberence for loss. I am posting a bit late...we had a impromptu family cruise, and impromptu last minute surgery gone wrong for me...and so these pictures come a few days late!
On Saturday December 13, 2008 we had just returned to our port in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had a long drive home to NC and knew we were going to participate in my best friend, Gil's, celebration of Zach's 2nd birthday who, as many of you know, returned to our Father in Heaven exactly 10 months ago. She asked if those who would celebrate with her would let a balloon go in his honor with a note attached of their spiritual gift they would give to Heavenly Father. Gil has told me many times over the past 10 months of how she wants more than anything to live a better life to be sure of the reunion with her precious Zach...this is something that at times worries her. To all and any of us who know Gil...we don't worry for a second. I have been a few places in my life...known many different people...and there is no better friend, sister, wife, cousin, auntie, daughter, daughter-in-law, mommy, on and on and on than my sweet friend Gil. For her and her family to include us in this celebration is such an honor and a privilage!
So....we saw the rain clouds coming and pulled over quickly in Lake Charles, FL and bought our balloons at a Publix grocery store!
So....we saw the rain clouds coming and pulled over quickly in Lake Charles, FL and bought our balloons at a Publix grocery store!
I was the photographer - I felt such a joy in writing on the tag...celebrating the cutest boy evers birthday. I knew Zach would feel of my love and I knew Heavenly Father knew of my heart and how Zach's precious little life has touched and changed me forever.
But as we let those 6 white balloons go....I just could hold it in no longer and the tears and pain at loss overwhelmed me. I stood in the parking lot bawling. Quickly, a cute Publix grocery store man, in his 70's, and another girl worker in her 20's ran over. They thought I was crying at the sudden release and loss of these balloons -the old man ran towards us with a wicker broom hoping to help us in our despair. It was really sweet and then they saw the tags - Paul solemenly told them of it's meaning and the real reason for my tears. It was neat to see 2 people so willing to help...and 6 people looking towards heaven with hope and promise that Zach and our loving Heavenly Father would see our message that we pledged to change ourselves.
Pain really has no boundaries. My heart froze...literally froze the night Gil called me and told me that Zach had left this earth. My life will never be the same. I have changed and grown in ways I never would of without this experience. Love is different to me. It is deeper, it doesn't judge, it holds promise and growth, and it just feels different. I love people...I really try to do good....I want to help when I can...I wish everyone well....but this isn't about me...it is about my best friend Gil who has been a true daughter of God. She is real, she hurts, she tries so hard, she laughs when she can, she holds on, she has faith, she believes, she suffers alone and she suffers with others, she keeps going and making pumpkin bars for others!, she keeps up!!!!!! Gil would hate it if I told you she was my hero but sorry honey....you are and you are a sister and a friend to me. You love your children and you love one little boy who is now with Heavenly Father...in good and constant care of Him until birthdays will be celebrated again together! Until then we have balloons and love and an incredible faith and hope of better days and happy times. Grateful I am in a loving Heavenly Father who guides us in life allowing us to see what is really important, whose promises are real and unchanging in such a changing world. I don't know too much but I do know that Families are forever and that we are all here to help each other along the way. I am blessed in my life! Thank you Zach! We love you and your family!
5 comments:
I loved EVERY WORD. Thank you for this---and for being there for me throughout this terrible wonderful year.
I can't believe you made time in your hectic travel schedule for this---it means so much. You are the best!
Wow - Jen that is beautiful, and Gil - I am so sorry, I had no idea. Zach's birthday is a few days after my little Miles. He turned 2 on Dec. 8th.
My sweet friend Cassie lost her baby boy this summer in a horrible drowning accident. He also will be 2 Jan. 9th. I have suffered a lot of loss, my best friend of 17 years died 7 years ago. She was Cassie's aunt. Cas thinks I 'understand better than anyone' I told her as much as I still hurt so much with the loss of my beautiful perfect best friend Heidi - it can't possibly compare to the loss of a child.
Anyway Jen and Gil - on my comments on my blog about Risi's birthday Cas wrote me a lenghty note, maybe you have some advice, or can understand better than I.
I would love to let some balloons go with my kids if you don't mind, I know it's late, but maybe for Christmas?
If there is one thing I am so grateful for, it would be my testimony of the eternal plan. I don't know where we would be without it.
Lastly, Gillian, Jen is correct, you are a hero and triumphant, and amazing. I'm so glad she blogged about this. My prayers are with you and your family during this time.
What a beautiful tribute.
I am so touched by this post, Jen. I had no idea that Gillian had lost her precious baby boy. I feel like I know Gillian because you always talked so much of her when you lived here in High Point. I am so saddened to know that she has had to endure the ultimate pain any mother could ever imagine. My heart and prayers go out to her and her family. Any mother that can edure this and somehow find a way to pick up the pieces and continue to "live" is definitely a hero in my eyes, too! We are so blessed to have the understanding that FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!! May Heavenly Father continue to bless the Ashton Family and all of you that knew and loved Zachary so much!
Beautiful! What a precious thing to know that our loving Heavenly Father has given us the opportunity to be together forever.
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