What I've been up to...try to read it all really fast because that's the speed of my life!

I know I have disappeared for awhile but it just didn't seem right to be blogging when we couldn't even find our silverware! I only have an hour and a half to myself everyday now that Jake has gone from all day kindergarten to half day(really just 2.5 hours-haha to half day!). So here is my life in rewind:

A week before Christmas -not even a week and we were to be moving to Nevada. We celebrated Christmas and took the day to just relax and be a family...went to 2 different friends homes to have a wonderful relaxing meal...and then the farce was off....madness started and the packing began...no time to even cry...and barely even time to say goodbye to some of the best people I have ever known in my life! (I miss the south...me the california girl...I miss the south...)

We had a 2800 mile trek in front of us...it is the dead of winter...and all I could worry about was being safe...making it across the country and most importantly making it to see my BFF, Gil and her family in Texas. We left on a Saturday and got to Texas on Monday....only a pit stop and not even at the half way mark...but it was the best 24 hours even if I was a zombie!

Gil the Beautiful....me the Zombie!

Claire Ashton was there to greet us and there to see us off....oh how we love our Claire and her animal taming abilities! Her hugs are the best also and could just go on and on! love ya Claire

Guthrie's + Ashton kids....how they have grown...how they have grown...but the love is there!

Kailee and Lauren...we had our eyes on them in case they broke out the swimsuits to dance around in or got an idea to smear peanut butter all over the couches!

I had to add this picture of Kai and Lauren in 99...the couch in the background is the infamous "peanut butter couch"

Sadie and Aubrey....last time together they were in diapers...stealing binkies and popsicles from each other!

Jake and Claire...instant bff's...who couldn't be with little lively Claire!

We made it and the kids were excited to see the house...me-overwhelmed at the two semi trucks arriving with our "goods" (tired of the truck drivers telling us we had alot of stuff) and the work ahead.

Our first week here and it consisted of

1. shots for all the kids

2. my dad visiting for 6 days

3. Paul's parents visiting
4. my sister visiting for 5 days

5. enrolling the kids in school

6. setting up all the cable and utilities

7. many $300 trips to walmart

8. waking up at 3am 'cause we couldn't get off east coast time

9. more shots for the kids so they could stay in school...with finding a doctor to fit them in

10. boxes and more boxes and still more boxes

11. throwing a surprise 80th birthday party at our house for Aunt Mo

12. just trying to find a dress to wear to church and trying to find that darn silverware and a cord for one of the gaming systems (aka Jake's babysitter)

13. Jake finally agreeing to take off his training wheels (which haven't even touched the ground for the past year but were his "safety net of comfort" for him

How the day started...Jake just gave up

How it ended...he was even standing up on the pedals-no seat-going up and down grass hills-no spills all day!

We made it! Paul is off on his second of many trips back East for work. I am left with the kids and grateful for the quiet moments to just help the kids get adjusted. Our lives have been blessed. Thanks to my 70 year old dad who helped up us unload....grateful to new experiences that await us. Grateful for good weather and a safe trip here. Grateful to my children who had to leave good friends and who took all their shots and walking into new schools alone with a possitive attitude...even though it is hard! And lastly...I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who manifests Himself each and everytime I feel I can no longer do this all alone! He has crossed every T and dotted every I when I could do no more! I guess I am back!

Moving, moving, moving

k...World's fastest blog....we are moving to Reno, NV....I was only told less than a week before Christmas...we flew to the other side of the country to find a house... found one...back before Christmas...barely! Did Christmas-yeah, joy, love good times....now packing...now packing....now packing....should of just thrown the christmas tree on top of the suburban...loaded the 4 kids, and hit the road...packing is no fun...I'm used to magical crews of people who come in and pack for me...not this time when Paul's new company is on the "reimbursement" mentality. We just don't have $80,000 to throw around....so we are on our own economic crisis plan.....and I despise hard labor....but hard labor it is~hope you are enjoying your holiday season...relax and enjoy...I'll do the work! I just checked my fellow bloggers blogs...beautiful...I have no time left in this break to comment...but I love you guys....until??????

Happy 2nd Bday Zachary Steven Ashton...we miss you!

This will be my blog of love. I don't want to write about this because of the emotions it stirs...I know my friend Gil feels like her pain has no boundries and, even though December 13 is a day of celebration, it causes rememberence for loss. I am posting a bit late...we had a impromptu family cruise, and impromptu last minute surgery gone wrong for me...and so these pictures come a few days late!

On Saturday December 13, 2008 we had just returned to our port in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had a long drive home to NC and knew we were going to participate in my best friend, Gil's, celebration of Zach's 2nd birthday who, as many of you know, returned to our Father in Heaven exactly 10 months ago. She asked if those who would celebrate with her would let a balloon go in his honor with a note attached of their spiritual gift they would give to Heavenly Father. Gil has told me many times over the past 10 months of how she wants more than anything to live a better life to be sure of the reunion with her precious Zach...this is something that at times worries her. To all and any of us who know Gil...we don't worry for a second. I have been a few places in my life...known many different people...and there is no better friend, sister, wife, cousin, auntie, daughter, daughter-in-law, mommy, on and on and on than my sweet friend Gil. For her and her family to include us in this celebration is such an honor and a privilage!
So....we saw the rain clouds coming and pulled over quickly in Lake Charles, FL and bought our balloons at a Publix grocery store!

I was the photographer - I felt such a joy in writing on the tag...celebrating the cutest boy evers birthday. I knew Zach would feel of my love and I knew Heavenly Father knew of my heart and how Zach's precious little life has touched and changed me forever.

But as we let those 6 white balloons go....I just could hold it in no longer and the tears and pain at loss overwhelmed me. I stood in the parking lot bawling. Quickly, a cute Publix grocery store man, in his 70's, and another girl worker in her 20's ran over. They thought I was crying at the sudden release and loss of these balloons -the old man ran towards us with a wicker broom hoping to help us in our despair. It was really sweet and then they saw the tags - Paul solemenly told them of it's meaning and the real reason for my tears. It was neat to see 2 people so willing to help...and 6 people looking towards heaven with hope and promise that Zach and our loving Heavenly Father would see our message that we pledged to change ourselves.

Pain really has no boundaries. My heart froze...literally froze the night Gil called me and told me that Zach had left this earth. My life will never be the same. I have changed and grown in ways I never would of without this experience. Love is different to me. It is deeper, it doesn't judge, it holds promise and growth, and it just feels different. I love people...I really try to do good....I want to help when I can...I wish everyone well....but this isn't about me...it is about my best friend Gil who has been a true daughter of God. She is real, she hurts, she tries so hard, she laughs when she can, she holds on, she has faith, she believes, she suffers alone and she suffers with others, she keeps going and making pumpkin bars for others!, she keeps up!!!!!! Gil would hate it if I told you she was my hero but sorry honey....you are and you are a sister and a friend to me. You love your children and you love one little boy who is now with Heavenly Father...in good and constant care of Him until birthdays will be celebrated again together! Until then we have balloons and love and an incredible faith and hope of better days and happy times. Grateful I am in a loving Heavenly Father who guides us in life allowing us to see what is really important, whose promises are real and unchanging in such a changing world. I don't know too much but I do know that Families are forever and that we are all here to help each other along the way. I am blessed in my life! Thank you Zach! We love you and your family!

Turning a new leaf!

Each fall is a magical time for me. It started way back when I was little...I was fascinated by the autumn hues and how the leaves would bear their colors for change. It meant Christmas was that much closer and there just seems to be an air of excitement. Here in North Carolina we are glad to say good bye to 90+ degree weather and humidity. But my real love for the fall started back 13years ago when I held my baby girl and took her first fall pictures.

We were poor, I had a cheap camera...but my precious 10 month old lit up the leaves. From then on I have taken fall pictures with the girls and now with all 4.

o.k....since this blogging thing is a journal of types...here goes my sentiment. I guess I am reminded each fall of where I have been and where we look to go in the next year. Lately I have doubted if we are even headed the right ways (that whole move thing and waiting on it patiently is at its' wits end for me) Today I loaded up the 4 kids and headed off to a park way out in the country off of old hwy 150. As I was driving back I wondered if I would see the incredible colors of fall in North Carolina again. I thought of the years of leaf pictures that got me to where I am today. I thought of how when Kailee was born we didn't have much. I didn't even have a baby shower...unless you count some unmarried college students giving me a six pack of pepsi 'cause all they could think of was how funny the no sleep thing would be for me. When Paul and I had Kailee we were so on our own. Except for my family buying us a crib and just a few outfits...that was it...we had no other support or encouragement...my family was it. And now here we are...4 kids later...a good marriage...lots of autumns under our belts and the future of kids leaving home, marriages, missions. It's like these amazing tree lined roads here in North Carolina...you can't see over the up coming hill but somehow you know you'll make it. Seeing the beauty in the simple things...like the changing of leaves...is how I have made it my whole life.

I can never go back to that adorable 10 month old sitting in a pile of leaves.(trust me-I would give a million dollars to hold these children a few more hours, change their diapers, burp them, teach them)...but I have the pictures to remind me of where we have been...and where the new leaves are turning our lives towards.

Here are a few of todays pictures. Kailee, of course, is feeling that "I am way tooooo old for this" but with some" mommy pouting" she cooperated. It still feels like Paul and I are on our own...really we are except for the love of good friends and family(So needed with all the negative that tries to creep in-I so stay away from that)...I feel lucky to be on this road with the crew I have been given and I hope to see many more autumns where the simple joy in leaves falling from trees can remind me of the journey behind and the ones to come. Enjoy!

Halloween 2008

Happy Candy day to all! Welcome to the world of the Guthrie's trick-or-treating....the costumes this year couldn't of been more random than they were...I always envied the families that pulled together the whole theme thing...nope...not us. Paul wouldn't ever put on a costume and for years the girls were so girly and princess-ed out that it just wouldn't come together....so here they are...in true form...have fun...we did...sugar high for days! Yeah!
Photos at my (sniffff sniff...last Kindergarten Halloween party

Jake is the most adorable policeman ever...reallllllly!


Sadie is the clown...so cute at 9yrs old. I asked her where her friend Helen was and she said "oh, she's out with some other clown"...I love her!
Shelby is the banana...middle school and she's is making them laugh...she tried to be a banana with a mustache but the mustache wouldn't stick???????


Kailee was an Indian...though she wouldn't trick-or-treat but dressed up to appease her mother!

The whole "nutty" crew!

And this is how a kindergartener who has full day of school (7-3pm), runs around 2 neighborhoods, eats a ton of candy....ends his day...
Precious!

I am not big brother!

Did any of you ever read that Orson Wells book 1984 where "big brother"is watching you? That's what it felt like with that live traffic feed thing I put on my blog...so I took it off....you are free to come and go on my blog and I won't spy on any of you....I feel so good...I hated that thing!

What I've been up to

This is what I have added to my schedule...it helps keep my mind off of missing my kids at school, worrying about moving across the country...when-right?...and being mad at myself for reading all day long (loved the Host by stephanie myers) when I should be doing laundry or other mom things....it is fun to be creative again!

For those of you who haven't been around Kai

Kailee is brave...she is adventurous...she is silly....she wants to learn about everything and explore (good things of course)....so for those of you who haven't been around my teenager lately or even know her....I just found this video from Labor day this year when we were in Atlanta and visited the World of Coke...I went straight for my comfort-Diet Coke and there was Kai headed straight for the brazilian version of some strange soda that was known to taste bad and warnings had been issued that it was "nasty". She had to find out for herself and of course we "egg-ed" her on to be brave and taste it.....


Ohhhhhh....and if I'm going to keep up with this blogging thing....please leave me comments 'cause I need motivation to keep me blogging since you know...I just sit around all day and eat bon bons and donuts....help me out here....let me feel your love....tell me how great my kids are...or I am or what evs! Did I tell you that on my "mommy break" last week I bought this book called "Laying Down the law...the 25 laws of parenting" of course I haven't even read the first law yet....make comments so I keep blogging and have this distraction from "laying down the law" on my poor kids!

Grocery store anyone?????

Tonight I was putting Jake to bed....wait...rewind -

yesterday I was on mommy burn-out so I took off...I took myself out to dinner, went to Barns & Noble (spent most of my time looking for books for my children???? remember me time), went to a movie (road to ?? with richard gere...boring...horrible!), and yes a little wal-mart...we needed bread. I didn't want to be with anyone..talk to anyone...except, of course, Gil who is always there to laugh at me when I am sour...and gets me! So off I was for some alone time.....

o.k. back to tonight...Jake going to bed....I say to Jake "give me some kisses 'cause I missed you last night" of which Jake says "where did you go?" I tell him that Mommy needed a break and then he says "oh, you went to the grocery store" hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

is that what my children think...that when mommies need breaks we take off to the grocery store for some heel kicking good times? I think I need to get out more...and my kids need to see me doing it! Maybe next "mommy break down" moment I'll head to a laundro-mat, volunteer to do some yard work, or clean some strangers house....'cause that is what my sweet little pumpkins think I do for fun!

*side note - I haven't been blogging 'cause I lack motivation, I think of funny things to write but logging on takes too much brain power, and I have been busy...refer to above!

I'm always the last one to bed

So where do I sleep? Ever feel like this...and the first up in the morning...and the last to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's me...but as long as everyone else is happy then mom is happy (of course the cats and fish count too!) It's all worth it and even the cats feel comfortable in our home!

Also, this is my new hobby/business...I am always asked out here "where did you get that"(utah..and I know this is old stuff 4 you all) and now I can share and make it for others...and get my creative groove on!

Watch out Olivia Newton John...here I come!

My friends are rallying around me...to help me pull out of my un-expected, couldn't see this coming, where is the fun, depression of sorts. All of my kids are in school for a full day-7am to 3pm...even my little Jake! I feel like a mom with no purpose. In my head there is this battle between what I should be doing, what I could be doing, and what I used to do for 14 years. It doesn't help being stuck in a place in life where I don't know where we will be in 3 weeks and having a house that is not unpacked...I am the mom who loves to clean, cook and do laundry...all gone now...which takes me to Olivia Newton John!

Tomorrow I am being dragged to a Jazzercise class...yes I said it...a Jazzercise class. I shouldn't be blogging right now because I should be at wal-mart picking out my leotard suit, my leg-warmers, and my fuzzy headband! But before I do that I am going to practice my "jazz hands" in the mirror! Watch out Richard Simmons...here comes Jen!

It's easy to say...go get a pedicure...go grocery shopping...read a book...but when you have structured your whole existence on being a mom...and they are gone for all those hours...part of you is lost and I am trying to find me again....I wouldn't have it any other way....and all of you will be here one day or have been here...the joy lays ahead...so for now it is reading all the "twilight books" (I am half way through "Breaking Dawn") and eating poptarts while I sleep in/lay in bed till noon...and of course get my jazzercise groove on! Don't you wish you were me!!!?????

Want to go for a bus ride...come on and get on!

So Jake has been a trooper-8 days and he happily gets on the bus. Our morning routine does involve his gripes about how tired HE is and how HE needs a break-but he goes and comes home one happy boy. Today we were not so fortunate.
The usual rhetoric went on and as usual I just ignore his words and go on with the morning and put forth my faith in him that he will wake up! The bus arrives and Sadie and I dash out the door-but today Jake won't follow. I pick him up and carry him as he grabs at anything and everything he can...the door jam...the suburban as I pass...trees...are you following me on this???? We get to the bus and the sweet bus driver pleas with him that all will be well...not for jake...not taking any bait..the bus is parked in the middle of the street...you do know it is a felony to board a school bus...right? So I ask the driver..."can I walk him on?" She is so sweet...says "of course" but looks around like she hopes she won't get in trouble...bus still blocking street...Jake won't let me leave...so we drive off to the next stop....me and these pint sized kids no older than 7 except for Sadie. One kid shows me a treasure box...and me the 5foot 10 Mommy on the bus just taking a ride. Next stop...Jake still isn't giving up...so I ask him if I can drive him to school...he agrees and Sadie, Jake and I get off the bus as the new kids at the new stop get on...with parents watching....and we take the hike back to our stop at our house...I drive them in and all is well. Jake comes home loving school and skipping to his own beat.....of course my head is dreaming of what tomorrow morning will bring!
I need to post on how this whole freedom while the kids are in school isn't what I thought it would be. I am bored and refuse to do laundry and cleaning...that isn't part of the dream I have been dreaming of for 14 years....so more to come...just proud of me for posting....and riding the bus part of the way to school today! There is no tact in being a mom...try as we may...we still look like a mess!

ok here are pictures of shelby's first day of middle school and Kai's first day of 8th grade!